40 Day Fast
Pastor Mike Knoll's Daily Journal
In 2007, the Lord led Pastor Mike on a 40 day fast, consisting of water only. The entire thing was an amazing experience, one that he struggled to accomplish, but was able to fulfill through the day by day grace of God and his determination to obey. We trust that as you read each entry from Pastor Mike's journal over the 40 days of his fast, they will be a blessing to you and a challenge to make fasting a regular part of your spiritual exercise in obedience and consecration to God as the Holy Spirit leads. There is a supernatural power bringing breakthrough that is gained through prayer and fasting like no other method can achieve!
Introduction to My Personal Journey of a 40 Day Fast
This is the actual record from my journal regarding my forty day fast from July 9 to Aug 14, 2007. This was a strict water fast only with no juice or any other foods. When the Lord first impressed this upon my heart, I shared it only with my son, Matt, and three weeks later, after deep prayer and seeking God for certainty, I began on a personal, spiritual journey I had never before travelled. Previous to this fast, I had fasted many times over the course of my Christian walk, the majority of them being one to four days in duration. The longest fast I accomplished was in 2002 when I went for eight days taking water only. This was an emergency fast that God prompted my heart to engage in, not only myself, but our entire church at that time, producing the needed results. I knew of one or two persons who claimed to do a forty day fast with juice only, and often thought how extremely hard that would be to fulfill. Never in my 34 years as a Christian had that thought ever entered into my mind until the summer of 2007. I finally came to terms with the pressing reality that I was to do it in obedience to God, not even yet knowing the full purpose behind it.
On July 4, 2007, I was sitting in my car around 4:00 a.m. in Manitoulin Island praying while my wife, Julie, was still asleep. God impressed upon me to read Numbers 13 which deals with the twelve Israeli spies searching out the land of Canaan. “And they returned from spying out the land after forty days.” (Num 13:25). A second confirmation in my reading was the prophet Jonah warning the Ninevites of a coming judgment from God because of their excessive iniquity. “Jonah began to enter the city on the first day’s walk. Then he cried out and said, "Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!” (Jonah 3:4) So with the forty day fast settled in my spirit that early morning, I made Monday, July 9, 2007 my start date, beginning with this humble prayer—“Father, this is not about me, it’s about You. This is not convenient or pleasant, but it’s necessary. I will do my best to obey, trusting in Your supernatural strength to fulfill this fast a day at a time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
The following is a word for word record of my real and emotional experiences in performing this immensely hard command from God, beginning to end. Some minor details have been omitted for the sake of necessary privacy of others. The daily entries are bare, raw and gut-wrenching. I would never want to go through it again. The warfare was incredible. The temptation to quit was continuous. The physical effects on my body were beyond difficult—but for the grace of God!
DAY 1 Monday, July 9
lt’s 7:15 p.m. as I write this entry. My thoughts have been very erratic all day. Some doubts have assailed me, trying to make me waver in my faith that God is in this fast. I feel tired physically and no motivation at all. I don’t want to be heaviness for Julie—the ideal situation would be to go away into a secluded spot for forty days but that’s not possible. I will do what I can in focusing on God through prayer and quiet times. I’m glad to have begun and to almost have the first day over with. I am being quiet with others at this time regarding what I am doing. I had an email from another minister that kind of devastated me or distracted me temporarily. Once again, the insecurities of pastors—God help us. When our confidence is in God alone, we can face anything with strong determination. I’ve eaten nothing, not even a coffee, which I normally still have during fasts. This is not going to be easy, but I believe the results will be dynamic in every way! It’s difficult for me to concentrate right now.
“Father, Your divine leading is never in vain, and our obedience is all that matters—we don’t have to understand Your ways—only trust! Paul was perplexed but not in despair! Amen and amen.”
DAY 2 Tuesday, July 10
Feeling tired a lot—went to the lake in the early morning to pray—spent morning working at church—hard to stay focused. So many dreams about ****. I will continue to pray for them. I met with Steve and shared with him about the forty day fast—he was excited and said that he would be praying. Received an email from ****—he said he was offended by the gift—he felt it was like charity. I meant it in love from a brother to a brother in need—I didn’t bother responding. What a shaking is coming to the church in these days—it will separate the true from the false, beginning in leadership. I felt strong in afternoon—did some painting at home and then watched a movie with Julie about the Nazis and Jews—it was a good movie. It showed the brutality and hatred in man which stems from Cain’s hatred towards Abel. I think Julie is much more supportive of this fast—it still overwhelms me when I look at the entire thing—can I really actually do this? I need to do one day at a time. Today I visited **** and **** and told them I would not be marrying them due to my conscience. She said she understood—she confessed to being backslidden and I prayed with them.
“Father, show Yourself to me in a greater measure—may You become all that I need for this day. You are my strength, Lord Jesus! Amen!”
DAY 3 Wednesday, July 11
Today was the hardest day so far—I feel extremely weak and tired—very sluggish with no motivation. Spent morning in studying for Wed night Bible Study on the "Millennium"—went to Tudhope Manor in afternoon for service. It was good to have Julie and Jim with us. I don’t have any desire for coffee which surprises me. I’m not one to lay down for a nap through the day but I’ve been doing a lot of that—the Bible Study went well—Matt and Julie did worship—Cindy wasn’t feeling well. I felt God in the worship. I’m trusting Him to bring me through. We had a time of fellowship after study and there was coffee and cake and cheesies, things I love, but I had nothing. I am dying to myself and I am still determined to fulfill forty days. Matt felt so heavy yesterday going through a very difficult battle with oppression but he said it broke during the meeting—praise God!
Father, help us, Your needy children to press on in faith to the calling upon our lives in Orillia. Let us see the goodness of God in the land of the living, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
DAY 4 Thursday, July 12
Where do I begin? This has been a day of intense battle and attack from the enemy! Oppression has been thick today on all five of us. (Austin included) The enemy whispers, “Why don’t you just stop this thing you’re doing? It’s making it hard for your family”. I admit, it’s extremely difficult, but I’m just doing my best to obey God. I had a good time of prayer down at the lake today and then at 10:00 a.m., I met with ****, a backslidden pastor who’s come back to Orillia. I’ll be praying for him. Marlene and Ken McQuaid stopped in and they stayed for our prayer meeting. It was powerful to say the least—no wonder the devil is hitting us hard but we’ll hit him harder! Then Michael called with the news that Pastor **** was fired by the board of his church in ****! There is a shaking going on and those who are anchored in Jesus will not fall! Amen!
Dear Lord, I’m asking You to give grace to my family during this fast. May they know that this is of You. Thank You for Your great faithfulness! In Jesus’ name, Amen.
DAY 5 Friday, July 13
Today, I have felt very weak and still somewhat unmotivated although prayer, the Word and meditation is still key. I don’t really have any craving for coffee, but I do feel hunger pains constantly. I find it hard to get comfortable at night sleeping. Today I went through the routine things of cutting grass and other things—life goes on even when fasting. I’m very relieved that Julie has now accepted what I am doing knowing that my decision to obey God in this affects her also. God’s grace will see us through to accomplishment. May He have His way in my life and I pray that this forty days of denying my body will reap tremendous rewards, yes, financially too. Greg Holmes emailed me and wants to come to Orillia again. He said my book has been speaking to him—many good reports from those who are reading it—Carson, Naomi, Greg, Cliff, Dale S., Dale H., Wendy B., Cathy K., praise God! Tonight, TACF ministered worship in the park and it was very good. I was blessed by their ministry and singing. God is moving in Orillia! Had a good visit with **** today—it was needed.
"Father, what can I say? Hell is furious with us, but if God be for us, Hell cannot be against us. You are all that we need. I love You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Your holy Son, Amen.”
DAY 6 Saturday, July 14
Once again, I got up early and went down to the lake to pray—it was very quiet for Saturday morning—then I went to church and prayed some more—went home and made four banana loaves for Sunday fellowship—they smelled great but not tempted by them. There have been outbreaks of frustration because of the oppression we’ve all been under lately. **** phoned and said that **** was very upset and at the end—**** was through with everything (we’ve been there) but thank God, after a few hours, they phoned and wanted to talk. God did an amazing healing and the whole thing just left. Wow—what the enemy tries to defeat us with, God turns it around because our hearts are right before Him. Spent evening preparing for Sunday.
“Father, You said when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Lord will lift up a standard against him. Thank You for proving that today. Lord, I love You, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
DAY 7 Sunday, July 15
I woke up around 5:00 a.m. and spent time with God praying for the service. All four of us gathered around 9:30 a.m. to pray before church and we encouraged each other in our burdens and Sunday morning pressures. We had a tremendous service this morning—God showed up—the worship was powerful—I had a greater freedom—Jim spoke a word from God as we waited upon the Lord which confirmed the message. “See Me” was the theme of the word. I had great liberty and power in my preaching—God spoke so much through me than what I had prepared and I could tell the people were listening. We had a powerful altar call with several people who responded. I had such power and revelation in my prayers for each of them. I’m tired now, but I need to just get through one day at a time. This is one week into the fast—my stomach has felt strange now for the past several days. My mind seems clearer and I have good self-control and patience.
“Lord, I’m amazed that this fast is so God-ordained! I need your help constantly—I am determined to see this fast to the end. You have entrusted me with this.” Amen.
DAY 8 Monday, July 16
Wow! This has been a day of sluggishness and an unhappy stomach. No food for eight days—thirty-two more to go by God’s grace. This is His fast—I’m just the vessel He is using. Sometimes it’s hard being around food when others are eating or the smells of cooking. Went to the lake early morning—good time of prayer. Julie and I went to Barrie to pick up a desk for the sound/video for the church. I felt so weak in my body. I have spurts of energy followed by great weakness as well as times of clarity of mind, followed by confusion, memory loss and disorientation. My stomach has this constant tightness and pain. ****phoned and shared Numbers 18:20 in tears. God was Aaron’s inheritance—he said for me not to think I need other pastors’ involvement or help. I received that word. It’s time for people (Christians) to get serious for God and seek Him more than anything else. Julie, Matt, Cindy and I had an enjoyable campfire and conversation to end the evening. God has His hand upon them!
“Heavenly Father, my prayer tonight is for my son, Matthew and his wife, Cindy. It’s evident that You are raising them up to reach youth. Please bless them, Lord, with much finances. They need it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
DAY 9 Tuesday, July 17
Today was another day of dragging my feet. Went down to the lake at 4:00 a.m. and had two hours with God—went out to end of dock to pray over the city of Orillia—what magnificent sunrises we’ve been having. Did some work at the church—went home to cut the grass and clean up the backyard. Went back to church and did some more work—cleaning, arranging, assembling a new desk for our projector. Julie came by around 3:30 and we went down to the lake—it was unusually quiet and beautiful. We came home and I did some emails and internet and the Julie and I took Austin for a swim in the newly cleaned backyard pool—it was fun, but in my physical condition, I didn’t go past my waist. (too cold!) I still wonder if I can actually do the whole forty days. From what I’ve read, my energy level should increase dramatically in a few days. My spirit is strong—God knows what He is doing—praying a lot in tongues—not sure what to always pray.
“My God, You are the All-Sufficient One! I am blessed to be called to preach Your Word. Thank You for calling me to do this forty day fast—I have already gone farther than ever. (nine days) Thank You for Your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
DAY 10 Wednesday, July 18
Today, I have experienced non-stop weakness such as David did when he wrote, “ my knees are weak through fasting”. How true! I have had difficulty walking today –my insides don’t feel good—there’s pressure in my chest and my eyes are not focusing. Spent morning studying for the lesson tonight. I journeyed to Orillia Mall to pick up a chair and it felt very strange walking around the people. I almost think that my mind is playing tricks, but I need to go slow and focus on what I am doing—I’m still trusting God Who called me to this fast. I have noticeably lost weight (15 lbs). I did the study on the Great White Throne Judgment and felt it went well. I am anticipating a major breakthrough soon (2007) I can’t even describe it—financial blessings will be part of it and other things. Naomi sent me a powerful email of a prophetic word for Canada asking the Body of Christ to spend the summer in deep consecration for our nation. Fasting was also a part of it.
“Dear Lord Jesus, You fasted forty days in the wilderness—I have convenience and comfort, but this is a hard thing I am doing. Please help me to obey You and keep my eyes on You. Thank You, Jesus, Amen.”
DAY 11 Thursday, July 19
I went to the lake this morning for prayer and then to the church to work—Karen and Mark came for a visit and we took them to the market for coffee and donuts. (Not for me!) The hunger pains and weakness is still there—Shawna Booth called and encouraged me in my fast with prayer. Mark came to the prayer meeting and we had a powerful time of prayer—Aimee spoke over Steve B. and I as Joshua and Caleb set apart to take the church over Jordan into our inheritance. I sense that strongly. Mark and Karen left around 8:30 p.m. and at that point, I was tired—my energy level has been low up until now, but I trust that it will change shortly. Mark called after they left to tell me how surprised he was by the book I gave them—he told me that he would be praying that God elevates my book and it would go across the nation. Can I really complete this fast? What is at stake for this fast? What will come of it? Greater things than I could have ever imagined!
“My dear Lord Jesus, I am willing to do what You want of me. I have no say in the matter. I lay down my reputation and my life for You. In Your precious name, Amen.”
DAY 12 Friday, July 20
This morning, Matt and I went to lake and did some powerful praying. Went to church and did some work for Sunday—message came together easily. I am really dragging my feet and it is very obvious to those around me. It makes me feel awkward but I can’t help it—I need to stay focused. It’s hard lately watching others eat in front of me because my stomach is in knots, but I just stay determined.
“Jesus, help me. Amen.”
DAY 13 Saturday, July 21
Went to the lake early morning at 4:00 a.m. –so peaceful and I spent two hours with God—went back to church and prepared for Sunday. Cut grass—had to stop several times for water and rest. That was an undertaking in my weak condition. But I did it! Life goes on even in a fast. Levi and Wendy came by around 2:00 p.m. and took us out to their campsite on Bass Lake. Had a good afternoon of fellowship—they want so much more of ministry. God bless them. Then we went to Barrie for Stephanie’s C.D. party—she sang well, but the opening band might as well call themselves a secular band—five to six songs, none about God or Jesus. That’s why the youth today are struggling. If they think that’s Christian, God help us! Julie has become very supportive of my fast now—others have shown their prayers and support and I’m sure that has helped. Today, I felt so weak and lethargic, but God is my strength!
“Heavenly Father, because You called me to do this, I have no intentions of failing. I am determined to go through to the end and see Your purposes accomplished through this willing vessel. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
DAY 14 Sunday, July 22
Spent a good time in prayer this morning—up at 4:00 a.m.—had good prayer with Julie and again with Matt and Cindy before heading out for church. I am in a very weakened condition. My stomach is still tight. We had a powerful time of worship and God gave us great liberty. My message was delivered with amazing focus as Holy Spirit filled my mouth with such words I had not anticipated. After the message, I went into the congregation and laid my hand upon each one uttering a prayer for God’s Word to take effect. We had four friends from Kitchener come up and they all came back for lunch which I found very difficult, but I did not let on. (KFC and the works, with chocolate cake for dessert—my favourite). After they left, Julie and I drove to the lake and enjoyed a peaceful time together. Yes, I’m tired and physically weak. Will this ever end? It’s hard!
“My Jesus, I believe this fast is not in vain—I believe mighty things are in the very horizon for us. Please help us, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
DAY 15 Monday, July 23
Today has been the most difficult day so far as far as physical weakness and stomach pains, but I am determined. Went down to lake again this morning and prayed and read Word—it seems like routine but I enjoy the quietness with God. Went to church and did some work then I drove Cindy to work—Julie and I took Austin to A&W—Julie had bacon and eggs and it looked and smelled so good. This fast has taught me two things so far—the appreciation for food which is so easily taken for granted and also the blessing of living for the moment and not being concerned for tomorrow. This is without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever engaged upon in my life. If God doesn’t strengthen me from day to day, I will not make it. But He is my daily strength and my portion. I feel God’s closeness like a father watching over his young son, ready to assist as the need arises. Truly, something great has to come of this. Why else would He call me to do it? Never in my own mind would I think of doing this—it has to be God.
“Oh Father, the absolute importance of one day at a time to fulfill this dramatic season in my life—we will see Your goodness come to pass! Hallelujah! In Jesus’ name, Amen!”
DAY 16 Tuesday, July 24
This is the worst day so far for no energy—went to the lake at 4:30 a.m.—good time in the word and prayer. At times I can feel the prayers of others sustaining me. Julie came down to the church to show me a layout for our kitchen, and an older couple came in to meet us and see our building—I think they were impressed. He is a PAOC evangelist and we had a good talk. Georgia came by the church to give me a case of water for my fast—that was beautiful—that’s Christian love. Michael Malcolm called to order a book—I was grateful for that. I mailed a book to Destiny Image and it is in God’s hands if anything comes of it. I want the book to go out across Canada and the world to stir hearts to pray—I fear for Canada if the Church lays back and ignores prayer and intercession. I am reading Ezekiel and God’s fierce judgment on Judah for all of her abominations and idolatry. I am praying for God to spare Canada in all of her abused prosperity. The Church needs to repent and get back to the Word! Where is the voice of one crying in the wilderness?
“Father, I don’t want my country to be judged for our outrageous sins—Lord, have mercy upon a nation that has forgotten You and turn our hearts back to You, Jesus. In Your name I ask, Amen.”
DAY 17 Wednesday, July 25
Matt and I went down to the lake to pray which is something we’ve done now every Wednesday for two years. I believe it has been a source of power for all that we have seen happen in Orillia and in our church. I did more work at the church—there is always something to do. Naomi sent me an encouraging email to stay strong and not quit in this fast. That is my intention—how wonderful it would be if they moved back up this way and helped us in the church. God only knows what is ahead. I laid down for about three hours—so tired—didn’t really sleep. Earlier in the morning, I went to Kitchener Park and sat beside Lake Simcoe—it was so peaceful and beautiful. I just prayed and read the Word. I am at a point where I don’t know what to do or expect. I feel sheltered in a bubble of God’s care. Our prayer meeting tonight was powerful to say the least. Great liberty in prayer. Some have not been attending Wednesday nights, but I hope that will change. There are certain requirements that are essential for spiritual maturity, but some don’t seem to care. Even pastors today are a poor example to the flock—we’re so carnal and we just laugh it off—I don’t get it!
“My Lord Jesus Christ, You are a friend that sticks closer than a brother. You will cause this forty day fast to accomplish a greater measure of power in my ministry, along with a soberness that I have never experienced before. Thank you! In Your mighty name I pray, Amen.”
DAY 18 Thursday, July 26
Once again, I prayed down at the lake. I am still waiting for this energy renewal to kick in. I must be loaded with toxins—what a way to cleanse the body. Julie and I met with **** and told her straight out what she needed to do—tell **** to leave, for her own sake. She listened but I don’t think she understands. Then we drove over to my new-found, mid-morning spot, Kitchener Park, and enjoyed the peaceful surroundings of Lake Simcoe. My energy level is drastically low and my actions prove it. My mind seems clear. Our 1:30 pm CRPN prayer meeting was quite good but low in numbers. Nevertheless, we prayed fervently and God undertook. After that, I went with Jim to see ****. He needed prayer for discouragement. That’s all we can do at times. Tomorrow marks day 19 of my 40 day fast. I never thought even this would be possible, but for God. Julie and Cindy went to Barrie for the evening, so I had a quiet night of prayer and the Word. I turned on TV and there is only violence, sex, homosexuality, and extreme ungodliness of every sort.
“Lord Jesus, Your return must be soon as the world increases in wickedness. I know that my labours of trust and obedience are not in vain. Help me to be strong in Your might! I love You, Lord. In Your name, I pray, amen.”
DAY 19 Friday, July 27
I went down to the lake around 4:10 a.m. and spent two hours with the Lord. Matt pulled in behind me and we talked when we were leaving—he was discouraged which I completely understand. Hope deferred makes the heart sick—our hearts have been sick for a long time, but God is the joy of our hearts even in times of heaviness, loneliness and depression. Julie and I went shopping for groceries—that was hard—so many wonderful foods. I still have hunger pains and still feel tired. We met Harriet and Vito at Leacock Care Centre and had some prayer with Vito—Harriet is so burdened and pressured by her family—she’s so strong! It’s amazing! We then went to her home and met her two daughters—they need freedom from God. Tomorrow is the half-way mark of this fast. I can’t imagine doing another twenty days—this first twenty seemed so long and I need God’s grace and help to endure to the end. I know people are praying, thank God. I wonder what will come of this—I don’t feel or sense anything specific—I’m trusting God for His goodness in the area of our finances and a great door and effectual.
“Lord, I feel like I’m in a dream and I will wake up sometime and all things will be normal again. Bring me through and don’t let me waver or quit. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.
DAY 20 Saturday, July 28
As I close the day at the half-way mark, it is with a sense of weakness and strength. God has been my strength to fulfill twenty days of water only. He will be my strength for the remaining twenty. I did a lot of work today, both at the church and at home. I find if I keep busy (only at times) it helps. Julie and I went to the Sidewalk Sale and I had prayer in Rick and Aime’s shop in the back room. It was good. I saw **** and I have nothing to feel awkward about. I, as a pastor, must love all people at all times. After helping Matt and Cindy to clean up the yard, I went to the church and did some needed work on the building, and then prayed for the Sunday service. I am expecting a mighty move of God’s Spirit in our service tomorrow. We continue to build the Orillia Life Centre. One day at a time is the only way I can endure to the end. Dale Shaw emailed me with concerns about my fast, to use wisdom. God is my wisdom—I will not lean upon my own understanding but I will trust God and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me. So much is at stake!
“Lord Jesus Christ, in the midst of everyday routine and responsibilities and monotony and hardships, You shine as Lord—teach my family and me to take our eyes off of ourselves and die to self. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
DAY 21 Sunday, July 29
I awoke at 4:00 a.m. and spent precious time with God in the Word and prayer till 6:00 a.m. Julie and I had prayer and devotions on the patio—it was nice. I spent the morning in food prep (slicing tomatoes, dicing onions) for our company at lunch. Dave & Wendy McElrea and kids paid us a surprise visit to our church which was incredible. Dave even helped out at our altar time. Dale preached a powerful message from Ezra—good response—great freedom in the service today. The worship was great. They all came back to our home for the afternoon. Everyone enjoyed themselves. I did all the barbecuing and serving and it went really well. I still feel like I’m in God’s bubble keeping me from temptation—this is twenty one days of water only—unbelievable—I feel weak in body, but strong in spirit. It seems so unlikely considering my present physical condition that I can carry out the remaining nineteen days, but this is a God-led fast and therefore, He will enable me to do it. So many keep saying how strong I am, but it’s not me—I can’t do this. God is doing it for me—He really is my strength.
“Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing Dave and Wendy to our church—What a blessing! In Jesus’ name, amen.
DAY 22 Monday, July 30
At the lake this morning—4:00 a.m. All I can do is read the Word and pray—the hunger pains are still there—the fatigue is still there—from what I’ve read, they’re not supposed to be. This morning, we took Austin to the beach, and as Julie and him were in the water, I began to ask God what this forty day fast is all about. He directed me to Luke 4 where Jesus was in the wilderness for forty days being tempted of the devil—when His fast was completed, He returned into Galilee being full of power and His fame spread throughout all the region. Somehow, I believe that was my answer. I have prayed for years for God to magnify me for His name’s sake and this fast still causes me to marvel—why me? Why now? What’s next? Those questions don’t really matter if we are trusting God and giving Him glory. This afternoon, Julie was upset by my physical condition—am I to stop now? Yes, I’m losing weight (25 lbs), yes, I don’t look good, but I would be a fool to quit now. Something is dependent upon my completing forty days—Jesus and Moses both went forty days—the difference is they were alone with God. Maybe that’s why I sense this bubble around me.
“Heavenly Father, thank you for surrounding me in Your bubble of Your presence. I cannot explain how I feel at this time—it is strange, but I am resolved, dear Lord, to obey You to the end. Thanks for grace. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
DAY 23 Tuesday, July 31
My day started with my routine at the lake—I enjoy the peace and quiet. I went to the church to do some work—went to 48 Front St. to cut grass and clean a very filthy rooming house out of control. I’m thankful Harriet took my place at the tribunal. She called that everything went well. April is legally evicted. But now, who knows? I’ll do what I can. **** phoned about the whole situation with **** and her plans to move out his belongings. His ears are shut to the truth. He won’t face the root and is just looking at the symptons. I ran into **** at the bank today—had a good talk—I still don’t understand it, but that is behind us—we hugged and parted. He says his heart is right and so is mine. I ran into him again at night down by the lake. The days go by so quickly—I don’t even know how I feel anymore—there are multitudes of mixed up, hurting, defeated Christians who are not obedient to God’s word. That’s why they are not being blessed—such deception and hardness of heart. One woman emailed me a lengthy letter saying that God lied to her—she still carries the baggage from her past after all these years—where is their freedom? God, it’s no wonder you have me doing a forty day fast.
“Lord, I’ve run into so many people today and You gave me grace to deal with each one, both difficult and enjoyable. I sense You more and more. All things are well with my soul. Thank you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
DAY 24 Wednesday, August 1
This morning, two police officers checked Matt and I out down at the lake wondering what we were doing—we told them we’re pastors and we’re praying for Orillia—they left with something to think about. This has been a busy day. I’ve spent a lot of time in study for the lesson tonight, “Judgment Seat of Christ”. I feel extremely weary and at times I question if I can go all the way. Again, God is my strength each day. Went to 48 Front St. to give **** and **** their deadline. I’m going to have to call the sheriff most likely—she is not cooperating. Went to Muskoka Heights with Cindy and Gord and had a very good service and good turnout. They need Jesus and His love. Then back at the church, Rusty Draper dropped in—we had a good talk and prayed together. He’s a good and godly man. Went home and got ready for the service. We had a fairly good turnout even without some of the regulars. Matt and Julie did a wonderful worship set and then I taught on the believer’s reward for faithful work. Although I was tired, and I seem to be slurring my speech lately, God gave me good liberty in teaching. It is of the utmost importance during this second half of a forty day fast to stay focused and take one day at a time. Wendy McLrea called recently to inform me that God was speaking to her to join me for the remainder of the fast—sixteen days for her. She totally believes in what we are doing. What a blessing!
“Dear Father, I’m amazed at how much takes place in one day during this season of fasting. Help me to hear Your voice and obey. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
DAY 25 Thursday, August 2
Slept in til 4:30 a.m.—went to lake again—I like it there watching the sunrise which is happening later and later as the season changes with fall quickly approaching. Worked on the finances at church—Cathy called and was troubled with tears about ****. She doesn’t want to be there. I prayed with her after she prayed with me and I prophesied over her which she greatly received. She informed me that she is joining me and **** in the remainder of the fast. I will continue to correspond with them regularly with what God is saying and doing. God has laid this upon their heart. Aime and I were the only ones present at the CRPN meeting but we had a great prayer time—I have been literally dragging my feet and slurring my speech—I am really feeling the effects of 25 days with no food or drink except water. When I think about my previous fasts, the longest being eight days, I marvel that I have surpassed that by another 17 days. Truly, it’s God—I have hunger pains—I’ve lost 25 to 30 pounds—I feel physically bad, but my spirit has never been more tuned, even though my mind is having difficulty functioning—I forget things—but God’s word is alive in my heart. The flesh is being stripped away.
DAY 26 Friday, August 3
I went to the lake again early then went to the church—I like this routine. I can’t say that anything dramatic has taken place spiritually, but I am confident that God is working because He has called me to do this. I am so weak and so hungry—the smell of food has been bothering me, but not to the point of giving in—no, I am determined. Julie and I met with **** to counsel her with some things that have haunted her for years (memories) and we had a good talk regarding who she is in Christ and prayed with her. She left feeling much better. After doing some grass cutting at the church, I came home and listened to David Wilkerson’s message, “The Private War Of The Saint” which stirred me up for what my family and I are going through. I’m feeling I need to get away for a few days from people and activity. I got together with **** at Tim Horton’s and had a good talk about life and ministry. I need to help him—I feel I need to reach out more to the people of the church. Julie and I ran into **** and **** again tonight—is there a reason behind that? We are definitely in a major spiritual warfare.
“Lord, I know You will bring us through this battle with victory and blessings. Thank you for what is coming to me and my family personally as we continue to seek diligently Your face. I love You, dear Lord, in Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.”
DAY 27 Saturday, August 4
This fast has now become more difficult to endure in the ways of physical weakness, hunger pains and a sense of needing to be alone. Once again, the lake was my first stop this morning and then to the church. Michael and Naomi came at noon and Julie had a shower for Cindy. (lots of women...and food). I spent time with Michael at the lake and had a good talk with him. I told him we’re all praying they’d come back up this way—they would like to—Michael said Orillia has changed—not like it was a year ago. That blessed me. Spent the day with Matt, Cindy, Michael and Naomi—I even barbecued the chicken. I’m amazed how I can do that. Around 6:00 p.m., I felt the need to be alone, so I went to the church and prayed the best that I could. About an hour later, they all came to the church and then we took them down to the park. It was just a nice day for us all to be together. I wish I had a better understanding why I’m doing this fast. It seems so surreal—time will reveal that which is necessary to know. I only have 13 days to go out of 40, but I don’t want to be counting the days—I want to fulfill the purpose behind each day.
“Father, You are showing Yourself strong in my weakness. I need Your help to do this. You called me to this, and You will be faithful to see me through. I need some time alone with You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen”
DAY 28 Sunday, August 5
I got up this morning at 3:00 a.m. –I didn’t intend to, I just did. I made omelettes for Julie, Michael and Naomi—they were impressed. This has been the hardest day yet—I feel so weak. What a tremendous service we had today—the worship was so good, Matt’s preaching was dynamic (anchored in faith) and the altar call was powerful. Both Matt and I prayed for the people and I began to prophesy over each one. We had a lot of people in service and that added to the excitement. There was a good liberty. After service, everyone went to Mike and Staci’s for our annual Church BBQ. So much wonderful food—salads, sausages, burgers. I am entering a different phase of the fast that is becoming extremely difficult—hard to focus and be around food. I sat at the BBQ and watched everyone eat, and it was hard—not at all like the first half of the fast. I really was blessed watching everyone enjoy themselves and get to know one another better. Yes, there’s still problems but I need to look at the good things that are happening. I wish so much (we all do) for Michael and Naomi to move back and assist us with the work—God has all things planned out. I enjoy my Sunday nights resting.
“Father, I should be feeling closer to You through this fast, but I feel farther away. You seem so silent. I am going to go away for a time to press into You without distractions. You are so good to me. I love You, Jesus. Amen.”
DAY 29 Monday, August 6
Today, I actually slept in till 5:30 a.m. from tiredness and I stayed home—had devotions with Julie and then all of us (Matt, Cindy, Austin, Michael & Naomi) went to Bayside for breakfast. (I had water) They really enjoyed it—I’m looking forward to eating again—this is the most important thing I’ve set out to do under God’s leading than I have ever done. I’ve decided for the remainder of the fast which is ten days, I will spend at the church and return at night to sleep. I feel now I need to seclude myself with God as much as possible to hear what He will be saying and to prepare for the devil’s temptations just as he did with Christ at the end of His forty day fast. I cannot comprehend what this is all about. I can only imagine, but somehow I feel that there will be a launching and expanding of our ministry borders. I’m not trying to be a martyr in this—I don’t want to have people feel sorry for me. I want to be completely obedient to God. I want to finish this fast—I want to see what God is going to do as a result. I did not enter this lightly. I waited on the Lord after I felt the first stirrings to do this. If this was me, I don’t think it would have lasted this long. I am truly amazed to have gone this far on water only.
“God, You know the beginning from the end—I don’t need to know—I need to follow Your voice. Please strengthen me physically and spiritually and emotionally to complete this fast—I know You will. Meet me each day at the church as I wait for You there. In Jesus’ name, amen and thank You.”
DAY 30 Tuesday, August 7
This morning, I went to the lake and just prayed and read the Word. I spent most of the day at church—Steve Barker came by and we had a good time of conversation together and prayed—I was blessed. I was able today to write a letter to all of our newsletter recipients and supporters as well as our own church members, just filling them in on how the fast is going and encouraging them to stay the course for God will do great things. I sent out 62 letters. Julie and I spent about 3-4 hours over at 48 Front St. with Harriet. **** and **** both moved out finally even without the need of the court order. My energy level is nil—and yet God continues to strengthen me. I was able to pray with Mary over the phone concerning a job and also for her daughter—it was good to do that. I worked on my “Rapture” booklet and then drove to Lake Simcoe (nice, peaceful spot) had some quiet time with God and prayed in tongues, for I’m not sure what to pray. God will come through for Matt, Cindy, Mom and Dad financially!
“Father, this has been a busy, fulfilling day. Thank You for the opportunities to minister Your love and grace to others today. Thank You for the blessing of being able to help Michael and Naomi with some finances for their car bill. I love You, Lord! Amen!
DAY 31 Wednesday, August 8
Well, where do I begin? I went to the lake as usual with Matt and we had a powerful time of prayer—all we can do (the four of us) is wait for God with faith and expectation. We are really in a testing time. People marvel how I can keep going and still fulfill my responsibilities. All I can say is “it’s God”! I was extremely weak today (worst day so far) and I look pretty bad. I spent the whole day at the church working on my “Rapture” booklet and other things. Al Ellett came by with a donation and Roger came by to sign cheques—I was able to pray with both of them. I went downtown to the bank; that is not a good experience the way I am feeling. I then went to Swiss Chalet to buy a gift card for Mike and Staci—that was tough, but no problem. Tonight, we had a good Worship Wednesday, with a good crowd. Matt said he felt so heavy all the way through it—it comes and goes. I sang a solo of a song I wrote years ago, “Yes, God Hears” and all enjoyed it—it felt good to sing, but I am so weak—God help me! I’m getting so thin—my shoulder blades are protruding and my arms are so skinny. I am losing my reputation—I still have hunger pains. I’ve lost 35 lbs. to date.
“Father, O Father, how am I going to go another nine days? I feel like I’m done, but He who began this fast in me, will give me the strength to complete it! My trust is in You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
DAY 32 Thursday, August 9
This morning, I changed my regular location (the lake) and went to Tim Horton’s parking lot where Matt and I pray on Wednesdays in the winter. I spent the morning at church working—went to Staples and right back again. I made a great spaghetti and caesar salad for Steve, Lindsay and Jim. They all thoroughly enjoyed it and I was blessed to have done that. I enjoy serving and blessing people. Steve, Lindsay and I had an Orillia Fellowship of Evangelical Minisers meeting (Lindsay agreed to be on the executive for which I thank God) and we made some good plans ahead. Aime, Steve and myself were the only ones at the CRPN prayer meeting but I trust that will change. Today, I had more energy than yesterday and was able to do a fair bit, but now I am feeling the effects of tiredness. Clyde emailed me an encouraging word about my book and a great endorsement. Wendy sent me a letter expressing how much my book has blessed her and helped her in prayer. Praise God! Now I can relax for the next couple of hours until Julie gets home. I’ve got one more week to go out of six weeks.
“Father, I am truly amazed that I have come this close to the biggest thing I have ever done for You in my life. You called me to do this and that makes it all the more significant—for that, I thank You. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen”
DAY 33 Friday, August 10
This morning, I awoke at 2:30 am, got up and went to the Tim Horton’s parking lot again for two hours—then to church. Matt was already there—I worked on my “Rapture” booklet and then at 8:00 am, I went to the mall to purchase an answering machine. I then went to cut **** lawn. Julie came by just as I was about done, and she left very upset because of my physical weakness. I went back to the church and rested and then proceeded to finish ten copies of the booklet. Ron dropped in and we had a good talk—he informed me he was moving in to his shop. I was glad to hear that—I prayed for him. Julie came by and we talked and all was well. She was concerned about my organs shutting down—I’ve only got one week to go. I called Cathy and Wendy to check up on them and they are doing well—it’s wonderful that they are both in on this. I called Cliff Paul and he wants me to speak on prayer at a three day conference in Manitoba. That is exciting! One day at a time—I need quiet time now with God.
“My Father, I ask You to quicken my body with strength to finish this fast. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Help me to use wisdom and to have Your mind in this. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
DAY 34 Saturday, August 11
This morning, I went directly to the church and prayed and prepared for Sunday. I am the Pastor/Administrator for now. Matt came down around 5:00 am and had a work-out—something that I will be doing again soon! I am so thin and appalling—my reputation seems gone. Julie, Matt and Cindy had a garage sale and made some extra cash. I worked on my laptop while they were outside—Julie mad burgers and it was difficult. The hunger pains not subsided since I began this fast. I feel that maybe God is letting me experience these adverse symptoms that I might fully rely on His strength. I am still praying and believing for my book to take off. I’ve had a quiet, lazy day which is just as well—my energy is draining—I still expect to end this on Friday, Aug 17—it’s all one day at a time. Julie’s working right now and I am using the time alone to finish my Sunday message, “Expectation”. Next week, God willing, is “Ministering to the Saints”. I still can’t believe I am actually doing this and have completed 34 days on water only. I really do want to end this, but I desire the results that will come through this call of God.
“My dear Lord, I need Your help at this time to strengthen my body for six more days. Holy Spirit, quicken my mortal body and renew every part of me, inside and out. Thank you, Lord, in Jesus’ name, amen!”
DAY 35 Sunday, August 12
I awoke at 4:00 am. Julie got up at 6:00 and we had good prayer together. I can’t believe the horrible taste in my whole mouth and throat when I wake up. It can only be toxins being released—it’s terrible. We had a tremendous service this morning—good crowd even with some regulars missing. Physically, I was spent, even before preaching, but God gave me strength to preach the most powerful message on “Expectation”. We had a good altar call and prayer together. Many made comments after the service how much the message spoke to them. Oh, we felt the enemy at us this weekend and this morning, but we refuse to give in. We’ve come too far and Christ is building His Church! I’m believing God for a mighty explosion of His Spirit bringing dynamic growth and maturity and spiritual hunger. After church, I bought a beautiful bouquet of carnations for Julie for her tremendous strength and support she has been through this whole ordeal—she loved them! June and Dale popped in for a visit and it was good to see them but very tiring. Nobody can understand what the body goes through in this kind of thing—you have to experience it and it is not pleasant. It makes the Daniel fast seem like a picnic—however, God called me to do it.
“Lord, as I approach the final days of this fast, I need to get quiet before You and hear Your voice. I believe You have things You want to tell me, so I will seclude myself as much as I am able. Thank you for sustaining me through 35 days. In Jesus’ name, Amen”
DAY 36 Monday, August 13
Last night, I thought that I would not be able to finish because of the way I was feeling physically, but today is better. I slept in until 5:00 am and then went to the church where I hung out for the day, other than doing some banking. I don’t like being in public because I look sick and thin, but that is where my reputation has to die. It’s a hard thing to put to death. I was able to send out several letters today which was necessary. Julie is planning on going to Kitchener tomorrow until Friday which I think will be good for us both. This last stretch is not easy, and I feel awkward and lifeless around people. I have no doubt that I will complete the 40 days, but it will not be easy. Everyone has been very supportive. What a different view I have of food—one thing’s for sure—a lot of people are addicted to it. I could eat anything right now because of the hunger pains but I’m trusting God to help me adjust back into regular eating. This is one of those rare things that God calls a man to do and the purposes behind it are not always known. I guess I should feel honoured that God called me to do this—how could I not do it? What would I forfeit by declining? All I know is that He is helping me.
“Dear Father, this feels like a slow death. Starvation must be horrible. They ate their own children in the Old Testament. I somewhat understand that—the hunger pains are hard to endure. “He giveth more grace”. Thank you Jesus, Amen.
DAY 37 Tuesday, August 14
I woke up at 2:00 am and read the Word and prayed for 2 ½ hours and then I went to the lake. I went then to the church and picked up hotdogs and pop for Matt’s youth BBQ on Saturday. I went home to say goodbye to Julie as she was leaving to go to Kitchener until Friday. I went to Food Basics and picked up some foods for when I begin to eat again. I went back to the church and did some work on Sunday’s message. I have been cold today and have found it difficult to walk and function—I have to go slow. I drove over to Lake Simcoe in the afternoon and it was so quiet and beautiful. The waves were coming in from the strong winds. It was nice just to sit there—God kept saying just to rest—just rest in Him. I began quoting scriptures and I felt better. I think I’m really going to learn the power of God’s Word against the world, the flesh and the devil. I am finding it hard to do any strong praying—I just don’t have the strength. From day one of this fast, I’ve had little strength. I entered this fast not sure of what to expect and 37 days later, it’s not what I expected. The hunger pains have persisted and the energy has left. I can relax now for the next three days, there’s nothing I really need to do, other than speak for 15 minutes at the Orillia Fellowship of Evangelical Ministers ministerial tomorrow. With God’s help, I shall endure to the end, in spite of the enemy’s lies!
“Dear Father, David declared, “I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord”. Truly, You will be magnified through this fast regardless of how I feel right now—this shall not be in vain! I shall live and declare Your glory! In Jesus’ name, amen!”
DAY 38 Wednesday, August 15
Last night I couldn’t sleep—got up to read the Bible—went back to bed around 12:30 am and got up at 4:30 am to go out with Matt to the lake for prayer. Came home and showered and went to the church around 10:30 am and then went to the OFEM ministerial where I shared our experiences in coming to Orillia. I can sure tell that this fast is coming to an end—I don’t feel good and my mouth and throat have a horrible taste. I’m ready for it to be done and then anticipate, regardless of the lies from hell, tremendous breakthrough in finances, church growth, open doors of ministry, healing and restoration and reconciliation with IGC. I have only 48 hours to go—my stomach is not good, but I don’t want to stop now. I can’t seem to sleep—my mind seems restless even though I’m tired. I’ve lost 40 lbs. and it shows—my legs and shoulders are caved in—water just doesn’t do it anymore—I’m forcing myself to drink—my throat gets very dry. This seems like the longest two days of my life. I force myself to quote scripture just to keep going. I can’t pray like before—I can’t sense God’s presence like before—it’s coming down to the devil’s temptations—I will need to stay in the Word to overcome his schemes. Things aren’t always going to be easy and pleasant in the Christian life if we are going to please God, but there does come rewards and times of refreshing.
“Oh, God, I know You are there though You seem to be hiding right now. You are testing me that I might rise to a higher place in You. I don’t know what is ahead, but I am believing for miracles! Yes, Lord, miracles! In Jesus’ name, amen.
DAY 39 Thursday, August 16
Rough night sleeping—got up at 4:00 a.m. and went to A&P to pick up a few things to break the fast. Went to the lake and then to church and then home. Went to Food Basics to get watermelons and then back to church and laid down on the chairs. Dale came by and we talked for a while –he read from a couple of books on brokenness—oh yes! Rusty Draper dropped in and prayed for me. Then ****dropped in and stayed for a bit and encouraged me with some warm words. Went home around noon—Matt called saying Cindy was discouraged and ****phoned (the old enemy!) I tried to encourage her that God is working everything out. Anyway, I feel absolutely lousy right now—24 hours to go and I’m wondering can I do it? Went back to church and laid down on chairs and Dorothy Pauley came by. It was good to see her—she really encouraged me and she was surprised to see me looking as good as I do, and even functioning to some degree. She prayed for me and left with tears in her eyes. Everyone is saying the impact my fast is having on so many people. If that’s the case, then I’m glad! “God looked for a man among them...”. Tonight, after drinking water, I immediately threw up—yellow liquid came out and though it was an unpleasant experience, my stomach felt better.
“Lord, I’ve seen a number of people today who care and are praying for me, for which Father, I am thankful. Never could I have come to this point apart from that and grace. I want to say as Jesus, “I have finished the work You gave me”. Soon I can say that. In Jesus’ name, amen, Lord.”
DAY 40 Friday, August 17
Update from last night: after throwing up, I began feeling not well—my stomach was a mess—my throat and mouth were terrible and I didn’t know what to do. Matt and Cindy came down to check on me and they tried to persuade me to take a little juice. This was around 9:30 p.m. I felt like the devil was mocking me, saying I was a failure. I felt like I was going to physically die. Half an hour later, I took a few tiny sips of grape juice and I immediately began to feel better. I think I was becoming dehydrated. I slept for a few hours—got up at 4:30 am and took some more juice. I felt that the fast was now concluded. I went to the church and had a bit of watermelon—it was wonderful! I did some work at the church and came home around noon. Julie came home from her time away in Kitchener. We went to Swiss Chalet for a bowl of soup. I ate the whole bowl, plus two buns and I felt good! We had supper with Matt & Cindy and I had a full hamburger and salad. It rained briefly tonight and left a magnificent rainbow right outside our back door—it still hasn’t sunk in that this fast is actually done. Now I need to maintain my walk with God with expectation of His promise of a great door and effectual opened unto us. I believe the next few days will be pivotal to know what’s next. I need to walk by faith without knowing or seeing.
“Dear Father, how can I thank You for bringing me through 40 days of fasting? You are awesome, Mighty God! I believe You are fulfilling Your purposes—we need You to show Yourself strong to us now! In Jesus’ name, amen!"
THE END!